I like to talk about sex almost as much as I like writing about it.  But even some of my most sexually experienced friends and colleagues disagree on one thing: the importance they place on, and how comfortable they feel around, eye contact.  It seems to be a big thing in porn, and my boyfriend has just told me that it’s up there as one of his biggest turn-ons during sex, so why do so many of us just feel a little bit weird about it? Maybe it’s those odd, intense stares that we want to avoid, perhaps we’re worried about the expressive sex faces we pull, and for many of us, that orgasm just comes along a little quicker when we’ve closed our eyes and entered our favourite fantasy.

The good news is that if you want to start making more connections behind closed doors, there’s a few things you can remember, and do, to encourage the plain-sailing of all things eye contact:

  1. Start slow, and build up.

If you’ve previously avoided this focus during sex, remember: no-one is expecting a sudden eye contact extraordinaire.  Intense stares are certainly not needed, but it might be nice and playful to give your partner a look and a cheeky grin before starting to give them oral.  Building up, turning to look at your partner whilst in the doggy position could be sexy, and your partner would probably go weak at the knees if you looked at them before telling them what you wanted them to do to you next.

  1. Vulnerability is good.

Sex is intense, intimate and brings out all of our individual vulnerabilities in one way or another.  I was so conscious of what my face was doing during sex until my partner told me that seeing me enjoy myself freely and fearlessly got him off each and every time.  Ultimately, eye contact just might not be for you, but at least ask your partner how they feel about it, try it out, and accept and embrace your vulnerabilities before you write it off altogether.

  1. A connection like no other.

Sometimes we just want a quickie, other times, it’s all about a long, slow session on a Sunday morning.  Eye contact, to me, is the sexual opposite of scrolling through Instagram.  When I’m looking at my partner and seeing him enjoy himself, there’s nothing else in that moment that matters, and our connection is the only thing I care about.  There’s nothing quite as sexually connecting or stimulating as that.

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