Hi Love Lounge,
I’m writing in with a bit of a strange question. I’m in a new relationship with a guy I really like, but I feel like I’m struggling to stand my ground sometimes. When we fight (which isn’t often), I always back down because I hate having to deal with confrontation and negotiation. I’ve always been a bit socially awkward, but not being able to say how I feel is making me feel really down and affecting how I’m coping with things in general. Have you got any tips for those of us who have a less visible disability but need some help managing it?
Hi Marie, thanks so much for writing in to us. This is a really tough one to answer, because I totally understand what an effect this must be having on so many areas of your life. In terms of your relationship – it is absolutely okay to not stand there and argue, but to take on-board what your partner is saying, go away and write your thoughts down in reply. So many of us aren’t very good in the heat-of-the-moment, and actually end up saying things that we don’t mean. By writing things down, you can edit your words until they are exactly what you are feeling, and make yourself heard without stumbling or backing down under pressure. Try it for a couple of months, see if it makes a difference, and please do let me know as I’d love to chat more if it doesn’t. A little tip: sit your partner down and tell them that this particular part of your relationship is troubling you and you’re going to start putting pen to paper as a possible solution. Having them understand how you’re feeling might just make them think about other ways that you can both disagree in a more healthy manner!